Sermons at St. John’s Presbyterian Church

Life’s Tough Questions: What about Sex?

Transcribed from the sermon preached June 6, 2010

The Reverend Max Lynn, Pastor

Scripture Readings: Genesis 38, I Corinthians 12:1-14, Romans 8:14-29

Check out these kids answering questions about marriage and love. “What do most people do on a date?” It’s kind of interesting to get a kid’s eye perspective on this. Martin, age 10, says, “On the first date, they just tell each other lies. That usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.”

Another question… “How do people in love typically behave?” Wendy, age 8, “When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and don’t get up for at least an hour.” Wendy has very high expectations … little concerned for her husband.

Another question… “How do you make love endure?” David, age 8, “Be a good kisser. That will make your wife forget you never take out the trash. (John Ortberg sermon)

Sex is a powerful creation of God. The Bible and history has shown us many variations of how it may be used. By God’s grace we are free to choose, but not every choice is a good one and not every choice builds us. We do not need to be sexually active to be happy and productive. The power of sexuality means that it comes with great responsibility. Our body is a temple and love is a spiritual act. Our basic guide in sex and life is not erotic love, but agape love – love that cares for the well being of all.

In my role on the committee on ministry for the SF Presbytery, I recently interviewed a minister who had been called to another church. He brought the issue of sexuality up. “I am strongly in favor of marriage as only between one man and one woman; the Bible is so uniformly clear and has not changed through scripture nor throughout history,” he said. Now I am a nice guy, and assume a great deal of grace is appropriate for my colleagues in ministry, but I just had to ask: How many wives and concubines did King Solomon have?

          I was not of course, arguing in favor of polygamy, but pointing out that the Bible and church history may not be as clear and unchanging as he suggested.

          We find another example of relations strange to us in today’s passage from Genesis 38. Here we find one of the women listed in the genealogy of Jesus. Tamar was a Canaanite woman who pretended to be a prostitute in order to trick her father in law, Judah, into having intercourse with her. Judah was in the wrong, for when Er, Tamar’s husband died, Judah the father was required to marry her to one of his surviving sons. Tamar’s new son would carry on the name of her dead husband and maintain her livelihood. When Judah evaded this responsibility to keep the family name alive, Tamar took it upon herself. (Countryman, William. Dirt, Greed and Sex: Sexual Ethics in the New Testament and Their Implications for Today. Fortress. 1990)

There are a few things permitted by scripture that we would rather not approve today. We also know that there has been much change in church history, and here I only give one brief example.

          In his book, Sex in History, Gordon Rattray Taylor notes that it was about the eighth century that the Church began to develop the enormously strict system, which ruled in the middle Ages. A series of “penitential books” began to appear, which explored the subject of sex in all its details: every misdeed was described and elaborated at length, and penalties were prescribed for each.”

          First, all who could were urged to attempt the ideal of complete celibacy while for those with priestly functions it was obligatory.

          The second step was to place an absolute ban on all forms of sexual activity other than intercourse between married persons, carried out with the object of procreating only, not pleasure. The sexual act, these clergy argued should be performed in only one position, and numerous penalties were prescribed for using variants. This is where we get the term, “The missionary position” – probably a derogatory term given by sailors.

          In Corinthians 6, Paul gives us the fundamental Christian tenant that we are free from the law in Christ, likely a claim being made by a libertine group of Christians in Corinth. If our only hope for salvation is to follow the letter of the law, every law: if we must live a perfect life, then we are surely doomed.

          As Gentiles became attracted to the Gospel story, that Jesus was the Son of God sent as an atoning sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins, a question arose. Did non-Jewish converts to Christianity have to abide by the Jewish law? This naturally brought up the same question for Jews as well. If Jesus’ death and resurrection broke down the barrier between God and us, then how important was it for Jewish followers of Jesus to abide by the Law? Paul argued that neither Jews nor Gentile Christians were dependent on the law for their salvation. We are free from law in Christ.

          In principal then, there is nothing that is necessarily illegal or immoral. Everything is permissible and forgivable. On the other hand, although we are free to do as we choose, not everything is beneficial. We should not be enslaved by anything.

          Even if we feel that ancient Israel, and then Paul’s ethical standards do not fit all people in every time and place, he does give us tools that can help us determine the right thing to do.

          In Paul’s scheme of things sexuality in general is a distraction for our relationship with God. It is better to remain celibate than to marry. As we have seen the Church later expanded this into the idea that all sexual pleasure, indeed all pleasure was wrong. In my mind, this was a huge theological error, and has led to a wide variety of tragedies, including sexual abuse by priests and generations of people missing the joy and beauty of being one of God’s creatures.

          It is true that those who remain single have greater opportunity to dedicate themselves to their work, whether it is work for the Church or whatever. Clearly some of the most amazing people in the history of the world have been nuns and priests and others who have had a single-minded dedication to their cause. Some of us, due to our upbringing or our genetic make-up have a lower sexual drive and are capable of celibacy. Others, for whatever reason, may be single or sexually inactive. We can celebrate singleness with Paul, as a gift. By no means must happiness be dependent on an active sex life. Individuals and the church should embrace the opportunities and blessings of singleness. We might remember Jesus remained a single guy too.

          Sex is definitely not all there is, but it doesn’t help to demonize it either. There is little that annoys me more than the popular idea that sin is fun and good is boring: that somehow sexuality is not God’s intention for good people, that sex in marriage is merely a stop gap measure for weaker Christians. First off, if all Christians were strong enough to refrain from sex, then we would have ceased to exist a long time ago. Do we really want to say that God did not intend for sex to be the fourth strongest drive, behind water, sleep and food? By viewing sexuality not as a gift through which we honor our Creator God, and instead as a weakness of our flesh, of the devil, we take honor from god and give power to the Devil. This idea has backfired so badly that the idea of the forbidden has become a sexual stimulant itself.

          Obviously we have completely missed the point of the Song of Songs. The entire book sings of the erotic. Sex is not a forbidden isolated pornographic act. No, instead we see here that the couple’s love breaks out beyond the confines of their bodies and is celebrated and enhanced by the sensuality of God’s beautiful Creation.

          “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among men. I delight to sit in the shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.”

          God has given us bodies and God is present in our bodies. Sex is a part of God’s plan, God’s Creation, beautiful and fun, a free and creative pleasure, a gift given to us to enjoy. Let me even suggest that we glorify God with our sexuality, that it is ultimately the Holy Spirit that unites us by the power of lovemaking. Lovemaking, in its most beautiful form is an act of worship and thanksgiving.

          This is of course not just wisdom concerning our sexuality, but all of life, especially all that is pleasurable. Break this down and Paul is warning us about addiction and selfishness, whether to sex or surfing or alcohol, pot, food, work, the computer of TV. Name your addiction. Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but I will not be mastered by anything.

          Does our pleasure glorify God or distract us from God. Does it bring us closer to others, or does it cause us to treat them as commodities. The Spirit of God is in the other person, the one we love, and also in the one we are exploiting, abusing or neglecting, including ourselves. God is in us. In this sense, our bodies are not our own.

          It is important for me to recognize the feminine in Christ. I am not suggesting that women should not have control of their bodies, that they should exchange being the property of men to being the property of the man God Christ, though this metaphor can be powerful and good. What I am suggesting is that the Bible tells us that the power and value of the divine is within us. Your body is in a very real sense, sacred, a temple. By the grace of Christ we each, male and female, embody the Spirit of Christ. This should give us power and freedom to enjoy the pleasure of the body, and the power to protect and honor it, both in ourselves and others.

          The other aspect of this understanding of the body as a part of Christ is that it is just a part among many. It is a rare act, especially done over time that doesn’t affect others. And so while I am generally in agreement that everything in sex is permissible if it is done between two mutually consenting adults, more than two are often affected. Children are created, disease is passed, feelings are often hurt, and responsibilities can be neglected.

          Some today are arguing that sex and love should be separated. I understand and like the idea in theory, and it may be possible for a few. But for most of us its likelihood of success rivals that of celibacy. In other words, on a social level, it doesn’t work. Clearly there is something about sex that is more powerful than other acts. It pulls and plays on powerful emotions whether we want it to or not. And relationship is not just about sex or our enjoyment in the short fun. Family and society do matter. Commitment remains the ideal. This means that waiting until we are ready for the responsibility of commitment remains the ideal, and that the primary purpose of marriage in society is the nurture and protections of children.

Rom 13

 [9] The commandments, "You shall not commit adultery, You shall not kill, You shall not steal, You shall not covet," and any other commandment, are summed up in this sentence, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
[10] Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law

In summary, sex is a powerful creation of God. The Bible and history has shown us many variations of how it may be used. By God’s grace we are free to choose, but not every choice is a good one, an, not every choice builds us. We do not need to be sexually active to be happy and productive. The power of sexuality means that it comes with great responsibility. Our body is a temple and love is a spiritual act. Our basic guide in sex and life is not erotic love, but agape love – love that cares for the well being of all.